
Carl Denham, a film director famous for shooting 'animal pictures' in remote and exotic locations is unable to find an actress to star in his newest project and so is forced to wander the streets searching for a suitable woman. He chances upon a poor girl, Ann Darrow, and convinces her to get on a ship with nothing but men and sail around for at least six weeks with no stops at any ports and be in his picture by buying her dinner. I mean really, just because you buy her dinner doesn't mean you can...ahem, back to the story. The crew sails from New York with only Denham knowing the final destination. He is looking for a mysterious island that is not on the charts. It is Skull Island and it hides a secret, a beast known only as Kong. Meanwhile on the ship, first mate and dastardly devil Jack Driscoll starts to fall in love with Ann and Ann with him. Mmmm...first mate. Denham reveals his movie's theme, beauty and the beast. This is pre-Disney, so no talking teapots. The crew finds the island and land to find a politically incorrect inappropriate stereotypical native civilization performing a ritual concerning Kong, I swear one of the natives looked just like Buckwheat from the Little Rascals. The natives become fascinated with Ann, the "golden woman" and thinks she would be Kong's type, but the crew returns to the ship with Ann. That night the natives come aboard and kidnap Ann to become the bride of Kong, he has a thing for blondes, I guess. Kong is revealed to be an 18 to 24 foot tall gorilla, depending on where he is at the time, who takes Ann back to his lair for a little jungle fever. A rescue party lead by that cad Driscoll goes to search for Ann, but all are killed by Kong, all that is except that rascal Driscoll who is able to rescue Ann and return to the village. Kong, enraged that some guy would steal his wife goes on a killing spree of the politically incorrect inappropriate stereotypical natives. Denham is able to gas the giant ape and takes him back to New York for some fun. Dubbed "King Kong, the eighth wonder of the world" the great beast is chained to a stage with very strong "chrome steel." When Kong hears that his babe will be married to that scoundrel Driscoll the next day, he goes crazy. Hilarity ensues. Kong searches for Ann who in the mean time has gotten a hotel room with that wretched Driscoll. Kong finds Ann and tries to persuade her to return with him to the island. He says he will clean up the island for her and get rid of all those pesky dinosaurs and he would stop monkeying around with the boys and that they could have a good life together. Ann's answer? Scream. Which seems to be her answer to a lot of things. Kong, feeling boxed in with all the buildings and commuter trains running about, takes Ann to someplace more quiet so they can talk. He has heard the the Empire State Building has a magnificent view so he takes her there. In a classic case of police brutality, the authorities use airplanes to shoot and kill Kong, you know because if you watch Cops, domestic violence is never a good call to get for a cop. Denham then blames Ann for everything with the line, "T'was beauty killed the beast." Typical, blame the woman, if she hadn't been wearing the blonde wig, if she hadn't come on to Kong with all the screaming and the jiggling of her legs and her suggestive dress. That has been happening since Adam and Eve. So the moral of the story: If you gots the Jungle Fever, make sure she is down with it too, or you could end up as a bullet riddled corpse on a New York street, which, come to think about it, isn't that unusual.
1 comment:
LOL. You had me rolling. Loved your comments on this movie Will. What a hoot. You're an excellent writer. You could be a film critic, easily.
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