Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull (2008)

Good morning and welcome to this special edition of Hilarity Ensues. Today we are celebrating our 3rd blogiversary and we have a special treat for you. I have lined up a special interview. I am really excited about this one but I feel I have to warn you now. We have asked that spoilers be limited as much as possible but our guest is old so he may forget so consider yourself warned. And with that on to the interview.

Hilarity Ensues: I would like to welcome Dr. Henry Jones, Jr. to our blog. Welcome Dr. Jones.

Indiana Jones: Please, call me Indy, the only people who call me Dr. Jones end up being bad guys.

HE: {using my best Sean Connery impression} I thought y'all named the dog Indiana.

IJ: That's funny, did you think that up all by yourself? {mumbles} Geez, if I had a dime for every time someone said that...

HE: Um, okay, Indy. It has been 19 years since we last saw one of your big screen adventures, what have you been doing?

IJ: Well, I have been teaching mostly, I still have some adventures but you know I am getting older, it ain't as easy as it used to be.

HE: What about the War? The last time we saw you was pre-WWII.

IJ: Yeah, I did a few things in the war.

HE: Don't be modest, I heard you describe as a war hero. Well, this time your adventures are in South America, can you give us a little taste?

IJ: Sure, well, you see, there was this cave and when you went in you really had to watch yourself because any false move would get you skewered. I was looking for a golden idol and I was pretty sure it would be booby trapped so I took in a bag of sand, but I miscalculated and when I switched the idol for the bag, I set off the trap and had to get the hell out of there. Then there was this boulder that started to roll...

HE: Um...Indy? I think that was from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

IJ: Was it? I am getting old you know, it ain't as easy as it used to be. That was in South America wasn't it?

HE: Yes, it was. Have you learned to speak Hovitos yet?

IJ: No, I didn't think it was necessary after Belloq died. Okay, where was I?

HE: The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull.

IJ: Oh yeah, the crystal skull. Magnificent specimen, made out of seamless quartz, it had dramatic magnetism.

HE: Dramatic Magnetism?

IJ: Well, yeah, you see sometimes it would strongly attract metal, even gunpowder thrown in the air, and sometimes, like riding in the back of a jeep, it would not. Sometimes it would attract things like Dog Tags but leave guns alone. It even attracted gold, which isn't magnetic. All you had to do was drape it in burlap and it was no longer magnetic. That was a nice touch.

HE: Speaking of the crystal skull, what are your thought about leaving biblical legends behind for more far-fetched legends like...well, it is hard to explain without giving it away.

IJ: You mean the alien?

HE: Um, yeah, at least it wasn't me that gave it away.

IJ: You think anybody that has seen the commercials couldn't figure that out? Aliens are everywhere, you can't avoid them, and some of them are better friends then humans. Without Chewy I could never have made that Kessell Run like I did, he was...

HE: Indy? Han? Can we get back to KOTCS? So you aren't worried about the unbelievability of an alien element?

IJ: Heck no, look who wrote the story. George and his space stories have been very good to me. Besides, how believable was a big golden box hidden in a room for thousands of years being able to sustain thousands of live snakes? Or a beautiful French woman being the last descendant of Jesus? Oh wait, wrong grail.

HE: Who is Mutt Williams? And what is this affinity for dog references?

IJ: He is a Johnny Strabler wanna be with his slick backed hair and the comb.

HE: Johnny Strabler?

IJ: Yeah, Marlon Brando, The Wild One? Don't you watch any movies?

HE: I guess I missed that one.

IJ: Anyway Mutt comes to me with a note from Ox, that's Professor Oxley, you should ask him what he thinks about aliens sometimes. Well, Ox was in trouble and Mutt's mother thought I could be of some help.

HE: Who is Mutt's mother?

IJ: Are you sure you want me to say? I mean the spoiler thing you said earlier and all.

HE: If the readers have made it this far, there is no way to stop them now, besides she is in the commercial.

IJ: Okay, Mutt's mother in Marian Ravenwood Williams. You know, from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Ah, Marian. We had fun making this movie. Looks like it is about time for me to go. Thanks for having me, and congratulations on three years.

HE: No, thank you, this has been a pleasure. But before you go I have one more question. In The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, does hilarity ensue?

IJ: What do you mean?

HE: You know, hilarity, does it ensue?

IJ: I don't get it, is this supposed to make sense?

HE: Well, it's kind of me signature gimmick. I also say hilarity ensues some time during the movie.

IJ: Okay, um, oh, that is the name of your blog. Ha, that is pretty funny. Just let me tell your readers. Dear Readers, hilarity ensues from the first minute on. How was that?

HE: Thank you. That was Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jr. And to my wonderful readers, Thank you for your readership, I couldn't do it without you, well, I guess I could, but what would be the point? Thank you for three great years. Be sure to try my current trivia quiz "Father Knows Best"